Yesterday, I had a conversation with one of my favorite real-life warriors, Charlie Gilkey. Besides fighting for our American freedoms abroad, he’s a coach. And a friend.
I can always count on Charlie to help me with my own stucknesses, even when I’m not sure I AM stuck. Yesterday was different because I knew I was stuck and just sitting in it. I guess in a way, I was choosing to be with my stuckness and when he began poking at it softly, I wasn’t budging.
It was weird for me because my usual MO has the typical “go-for-it” Aries rising attitude that I show most of the world. Instead, my Taurus sun said in so many words, “Don’t push me. Don’t make me.”
Charlie responded with an “I’m not going anywhere” and my bull softened just a titch. Relief. In any amount, is shift.
Since it was clear to both of us that there really is no pushing or proding a bull (think about it!), I started asking him questions. I guess on some level we both trust each other, or the process, something enough to know that in the world of duality, it’s all good.
What I mean by that is everything is a mirror, or a reflection. Even if I turned the conversation to what was happening in Charlie’s world, it would be ok. I would still have a few aha’s along the way. I always do. It’s one of the reasons I coach and consider the coaching relationship a holy one.
I wanted to know where Charlie’s edges were with his current projects. I wanted to know how is wife was doing since she had earned her Ph.D. I listened and asked questions… a space I love to be in. More relief.
And then, all at once, my bull was ready to make a splash. I brought forward that I was writing an ebook but was being haunted with questions like, “Not another ebook! Who wants another ebook?!” I mean, I have several of them. Unread. Nicely organized in my “Continuing Education” folder.
And he asked me to step into the possibility of letting mine go, so I did. And then we could play. What do I really want? What do I really need, for myself?
Crystalizing another awareness, I stumbled onto connection. And in duality, I knew it meant I wanted me. I wanted a way to express more of me. I wanted a way to practice suspending all the judgments that swoop into any moment and paralyze me with stuckness.
It’s a room that’s marked with Doubt on the doorway entrance. Have you been there?
I’ve been finding myself sitting in that room for far too many hours. And it made me sad because what I really want is to lead my life with my heart wide open. I released some of the weight of doubt as tears ran down my face. Holding my breathe. And I remembered forgiveness. Exhale.
Stand guard Doubt. A new warrior is on duty. She doesn’t really want to fight, or be “at war” with you. She holds the Light on the pathway to myself. She dons a shield of acceptance that renders all things neutral, cutting through the foggy vagueness of fear.
Am I willing to accept what wants to be expressed? Am I willing to practice suspending my judgment of that which wants expression? Am I willing to accept that this is the process?
I am. Becoming, a new kind of warrior.
As I prepared this post for publishing, I knew I wanted an image of a warrior, specifically, Pallas Athene, the mythological warrior goddess. In astrology, many points in the chart are interpreted including planets, stars (our Sun), luminaries (the moon) and asteroids.
There are four asteroids in astrology that are primarily focused on: Ceres, Vesta, Juno and Pallas Athene.
Pallas represents how you choose your battles and how you go after what you want.
The Greek goddess Pallas Athena (Minerva to the Romans), the protector of Athens, fought with Zeus’ shield, the head of Medusa, and a thunderbolt. She utilized her cunning and strategy to win her battles.
Pallas compels you to stand up for your rights and your Pallas sign can help you find the strength to turn setbacks into something you can use.
My Pallas is deposited in the sign of Capricorn which aids me in the powerful manifestation of visionary / creative ideas. Charlie’s Sun is deposited in Capricorn, about two degrees away from my Pallas Athene which means that he helps to awaken and shed “light on or into” my warrior goddess.
Coincidence? There are none.
Astrology is a powerful tool for understanding yourself and how/why you relate with people. If you’re interested in understanding yourself or who you are relating with more, I can help.