If your friend/relationship doesn’t allow for exploration of difficulties and is so fragile you don’t dare approach conflict, then whether it is a loving friendship must be questioned. ~Brenda Davies
Today’s Daily Inspiration hits home. Many points highlight shifts in several of my relationships this past year.
Like making the decision not to collude (turning a blind eye when you see another self-destructing) at the cost of the people involved or the relationship itself. BIG!
This year, I’ve had the opportunity to ask myself over and over, “Where am I colluding? And with whom?” And then weigh in on the costs and benefits of this behavior.
It seems that whenever the topic of selfish comes up, right behind it is a fear of appearing “needy,” especially when exercising a new behavior like asking for what you want. And ironically, cultivating healthy selfishness is the only way to begin getting your needs met.
In my last article, I promised to begin an exploration of selfish as a means to support myself and you through this holiday season. Why explore “selfish” during this normally generous season of gift-giving and eggnog cheers? Being a coach means I get to notice and nurture curiosity at all times. The first thing I noticed about myself with regard to this holiday season was my use of the word “should” as being the primary motivation for most of my actions. “I should make a list of people who will receive gifts from me, I should give a gift to so-and-so, I should enjoy shopping, they should appreciate my gifts, etc.” Does this sound familiar to you?
Moving forward from the past
In my last article, I set the ground work for embracing selfish during this holiday season. We explored where the tribal urge comes from to want to please in the first place… from the past. In the past, it was a risk to the tribe to be selfish. However, today is very different. Our society has brought itself forward significantly and this gives us permission to embrace selfish. And still, for some of us, the thought of being selfish is frightening. Exploring the benefit of being selfish by filling ourselves up so we have an abundance to give to others supports us to anchor into the possibility of taking the risk of looking selfish and thus we begin to reframe selfish.
It’s Christmas time or at least my TV has been telling me so since long before Thanksgiving even. The public decorations are following as street lights become adorned with oversized candy canes glittering in our crisp Southern Calfornia winter air. For me Christmas summons thoughts of generosity, giving (ok and some receiving too!) and time spent with family members which usually include encountering a few challenging personalities.
