It’s been a couple of weeks since I posted. I’ve been into another void of sorts. And I’m happy to say that I’m doing a lot better at loving myself through this one than I did the last time this happened.
What happened? Oh, you know, things are running along smoothly and then bam! You hit tired, or exhausted or anything in between. And this eventually, for me at least, leads to doing nothing. Which is the point that I get now.
But not too long ago I beat myself up for not being able to figure out where the void came from or why the void came… basically fixing the shit outta stuff that’s not broken.
I got some feedback from clients, when I shared out loud about the fear and anxiety I have around managing my business growth and expansion. Specifically, having more clients than I think I have the time and energy to support.
Being too full or too busy to serve each of you well. Being concerned for my own well being. Wanting to get clear on what makes me really happy with what I’m doing, so I can focus on doing more of that. And asking for/getting support with the other pieces.
I said my fear and then a few of you said your own.
Last week, three people asked me about what I had learned after doing the Free Coaching gig I offered at the end of April.
When three people ask, I know it’s time to write. Not that I’ve been looking for things to write about. That appears to me, in every nook & cranny of my life.
But a bigger, underlying false premise behind what stops me from writing is thinking it’s not valuable, relevant or meaningful enough to share.
And since three are asking, I figured even though it feels weird and funky and foreign… I’m willing to share it through my eyes. The things I learned from giving 30 days of free coaching away…
Discipline. This word can crazy set some of us off, can’t it?
And self-discipline is at the root of it all. Right? Following your dreams. Running your biz. Taking care of yourself through it all.
For most of my life, I’ve kinda run from discipline. It’s been a sort of ‘bad’ word. It meant restriction and scarcity to me.
And starting from early, early adulthood, I was so excited and ready to get out there. And do it my way. Experience a freedom to do what I please.
Soon I realized that there are responsibilities and things that I need to remind my self of regularly in order to keep life moving along comfortably (roof over my head, light bill paid, food on the table).
I think it’s easy to get lost in planning. In processes. In setting future-oriented goals to move toward.
It’s all good.
In a lot of ways, our structure gives us freedom. To flow with our creativity. To be more intentional with it.
And then a bad day hits. Knocking our processes and plans for the future out of kilter.
And you wonder where all your tools and resources went for weathering this, another stormy season.
I would say if the fear Jedi had a daily practice, like Qi Gong or something, it would be the act of making it her intention to approve of herself, constantly. In a mantra-like way.
Or How To Scare Yourself Write to The Edge
I’ve noticed this thing, it’s in me and a lot of the wonderfully creative ambitious women I talk to everyday, this idea that we need permission.
Permission to be ourselves. Permission to follow our hearts & dreams. Permission to receive and allow in the giving from others. And when it comes to your technology and getting your blog on, spattering your web pages with words, with the juice of your heart and giving yourself permission to write. Permission to call yourself a writer.
