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Last week, I shared about changes I’m personally making in me. Enormous internal ones and how those internal shifts create experiences in my external world.

I shared specifically, about how I have a sore spot, my belief in my own inferiority, and how it was activated during a mobile notary tale. I talked about how my new awareness of the inferiority is showing up, my desire to practice changing it and how that manifested for me.

What I did in the moment, to practice taking care of me. And how I avoided stepping down the slippery slope of allowing my own fear-based reaction meet up with someone else’s on the path. A constant seduction.

Today’s post is more about it. Specifically, what transpired right after it happened.

More life creating it self, for my opportunity and benefit. If you are optimystically-oriented, that is. (I talk about discovering your own personal orientation to life in this post.)

An opportunity to remind myself (and any other coaches reading this) how grateful I am to work with other people, on their own stuff. My clients. For whom I am continually amazed and feel humbled to share parts of their journey with. My journey too.

She had asked for a good place to start with a resource referral I had given her. Another one of my teachers. Those who have taught me how to take better care of me. So I can be more me with all I am. Moment by moment.

And I watched this video and recommended it to my client, realizing it was just as much for me and my situation as it was for hers. Although the details of each of our story lines are very different. As different as this service man’s issue with post traumatic stress disorder will be from yours.

But you can put your issue where his is and gain something of tremendous value here.

And essentially help yourself dissolve the very energy of your sore spot simply by choosing to be with it. Giving it your devoted & undivided attention.

A choice to act with kindness towards myself, when it would be easier to stay where I was and feel aggravated and disempowered.

The residue of how we see a past incident is strong and alive in us, until we choose to bring it fully into our being. We just need to know how…

For more about Tom Stone, visit him on the web at Great Life Technologies.Related Optimysm:

• Making Peace With Uncomfortable
• One Little Yes At A Time
• Selfish vs. Needy
• Hallowed Night
• Life said “Create, Participate and Learn”

It was less than 24 hours after my coaching session. The one where I realized that I had not been seeing myself as your peer, your equal.

I had been playing with thoughts over and over again, in my head.

Beginning with acknowledging that I felt that I wasn’t your equal. This is where all the tears came from. I had also been acknowledging that I was responsible for believing that and no one did anything to me in order for me to feel that way. More tears. And asking myself for forgiveness. “The past is over. It can touch me not.”

After acknowledging, there was a spaciousness that came that allowed me to ask myself some other questions. Questions I’ve learned from being a coach.

Who do I want to be in relationship to this new awareness? Who is the Mynde that sees herself as your equal? How does she act? What does she wear? What kinds of things does she think and say?

I played out some scenarios in my head. Not a lot of detail. But the big thing that kept popping up was that in most situations, the new Mynde was able to really see and know that any reaction another might be having to her assertion of power in her life, doesn’t make her wrong or bad. It was not about her. It was about them. That in that moment, the other probably felt powerless them self.

Since I had just come from there, powerlessness, I could remember how much it hurts. The tears I cried. The thoughts and feelings that came with it. The pain.

So when I visited a financial services office the next day to perform a notary signing, guess what? I created for myself the perfect opportunity to practice. To own my power, to provoke someone elses own state of powerlessness and have them direct their anger toward me and to remember, it wasn’t about me. It was about the other feeling powerless in that moment.

# # # #

I wish I could have been more Ghandi or Mother Theresa-like when she began insulting me about my competency as a Notary in front of her office staff and our clients.

But I’m guilty of being human.

I was hurt. I was confused. It was terribly uncomfortable. I wanted to pinch her head off. I wanted to ask her how being so unkind to me would support what we were there to do. I wanted to ask her, “Competition or collaboration?”

But she just kept hurling one insult after another at me. I was off balance. I couldn’t think straight or speak clearly. I fumbled for words and must have looked as diminished as I felt. I wanted to leave. I was angry and wanted to cry. I felt everything inside of me tighten up. Close down. Wadded up tiny piece of paper.

And I kept remembering the rehearsing I had done the day before. While I bounced these new ideas in my head off the Mynde that is your equal. And she kept telling me, “this isn’t about you honey.”

So in my head, I blessed the situation. I sat at the conference room table, while her notary came into the room to stand over me and do the job I couldn’t do for her. Explain the documents to the borrower. “What does this HUD-1 Addendum mean..?”

I said in my head, “Thank you. I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” Over and over. Maybe fifty times.

Later, as we wrapped things up and she and her notary left the conference room, the borrowers engaged me. They had seen something. I imagine it was what holding my center looked like, even though it felt otherwise.

My tightness was obvious. I am not a Saint. But I know I did better than I ever had before.

And they saw it too. I think they wanted to know how I was. Check in with me. In a strange way, I felt acknowledged. Validated. Compassion from strangers.

And after a good vent with my girlfriend, allowing the tears to flow and the anger and disappointment with them, I could easily remember what powerless felt like. I was in the midst of feeling it myself.

I also know what it’s like to act out from that place. It often causes me even more pain. And I didn’t want it. Not for myself. Not for her. Not for the other people in the room.

Somehow, I had avoided sliding down the slippery slope of believing that her experience, her wisdom and knowledge, was greater than mine. I had not stepped into that old, familiar role of underling. Thanks to my recent breakthrough with help from my coach.

It took me getting completely clear of the situation before the realization that even though she was the one hurling insults, she was afraid of being found out. She didn’t know how to explain the documents to her borrowers.

And I knew it wasn’t my job to explain them. I had told her that. That’s how it had all started.

It might have been a sore spot for her. Or maybe she was uncomfortable in the not knowing. Having the expectation of herself that she ought to know but didn’t. Or maybe she was worried about what her clients would think if she wasn’t fully in her expert mode 100% of the time. At least those are the places I have frequented in my states of powerlessness.

I don’t think she knew she was showing up afraid. I don’t think she intended to insult me. I think she was not in control of her self, her powerlessness. She felt bad and acted out.

And I believe that I helped to create the situation. I certainly participated in it. But from a whole new place. A place of self-acceptance (it’s not about me).  A place of compassion (I’ve felt that way too). A place of Love (I am willing to see this differently.)

Jedi.Related Optimysm:

• Law Of Attraction – Purely A Head Game?
• Best of ’09 – Moment Of Peace
• Beautiful Friday
• Dropping Illusions
• To Be A Warrior

stars say: last week especially, brought some major, life-changing & long-simmering line-drawing & realigning. http://bit.ly/bxhUJ

Charlie and I had been poking around one of my latest illusions for a while now. And even other supporters in my circle of Light had shared with me, about a pattern they were seeing, where I was giving my power over to another.

I could totally get this intellectually. And sometimes even see the pattern myself. But mostly, I’ve been in the midst of feeling what it was like.

Last week though, there was a more radical shift in the awareness of how deeply the tentacles of this pattern have been reaching through and digging into my life. I saw, maybe for the first time, the enormity of it. It was overwhelming. And touched just about every single thing I do/did, every relationship I enter into.

I cried for days.

And so, to the best of my ability, I’m going to share with you what I know so far. Trusting the process of revealing myself and what is really going on in my life.

Because I think it’s in our sore spots that we can really understand one another. At least that is true for me. When I read someone else’s revealing post or watch a movie or read a book… it’s in their willingness to share what we perceive as “messy” that my own being calls me forward and says to me… write!

Oh, and just really quickly, a shout out to Fabeku for his latest post called Go Big. Or Not. Just really cauterized a lot of what my coach and I worked on together last week.

So here’s my big bad truth. The one that is epic for me. Even though on the outside (or perceived by you) may not seem that big. I said it before… it has been defining every relationship I enter into. Every one.

Some relationships, I see the pattern more clearly than others. Like when I look out into Twitteropolis and the big bad blogging world. It’s easy to look at someone like Danielle La Porte and immediately put myself into an underling category with her. That’s easy, right? (I trust you are nodding your head.)

And it goes right on down the line. Any of you, that have created any kind of success in the form of products (that really do sell), subscriber lists in the tens of thousands and the big one for me is collaboration. If there are other big bloggies who are collaborating with you, well you are so out of my league.

This is the pattern that was revealed to me.

I have been unable to see that I am your peer. That I am your equal.

I even went back and re-read a post I wrote about Danielle La Porte and her really juicy thing that sells, Fire Starter Sessions.

I said something like, “I’m not sure how I’m on this lady’s radar.”

Do you see it? Non-equals. I cry again. And the truth is I was on her radar because of a then, current client. That was the truth. But this pattern of mine has been so enmeshed into my beingness, I just couldn’t accept my equalness.

So what if it’s true? What if I am Danielle’s equal? And what if you are too?

And I’m not picking on Danielle here, it’s just so clear and easy to show you what I’m talking about. I mean it’s easier to not see this pattern when I think about how I relate with clients for example. Or friends even. But I know it’s still there.

So a big change I’m in the midst of processing is “What if I AM your equal?”

I’m being diligent about noticing who is on my list of bigger than me. If you wanna know who that is, just read my blogroll.

When I notice the pattern emerge, I’m gently asking myself, “What if I am your peer? Your equal?” And then rehearsing over and over words my coach gave to me, “Some people are more experienced than me and some have had different opportunities, but that doesn’t necessarily make them better than me.”

Tomorrow I’d like to share with you how I manifested a review lesson of the power of this pattern within 24 hours of my coaching session.

And later in the week, taking a cue from a current coaching client, how I’m helping myself process, integrate and love myself though it all.

Where do you automatically diminish your power? Have you noticed it?

I know, since early spring, astrologically speaking, we’ve all been under tremendous activation and being called forward into our own beingness at greater levels than ever before. Be You has been the prevailing message.

And for me, being me just got a total makeover. Simply by seeing where I’ve been off-kilter and giving others in my orbit more credibility, more wisdom, more everything than I’ve been giving myself.

But that’s changing. And it’s an epic one.Related Optimysm:

• Defining Yourself – Danielle LaPorte Sets Entrepreneurs On Fire
• Riding the technology wave…
• Life said “Create, Participate and Learn”
• Constructive Conversation With "The Enemy"
• Cleansing – From The Inside Out

[This is a video post, so you might need to click through if you're reading this via email or RSS.]

On my walk yesterday, this song came on Pandora on my Droid. And I listened like it was brand new, even though the song is from 2006.

In one of the various movies that often frequent my headspace, I saw a wiser, older version of myself. She was singing to the me in this now, here with you.

The words caught me first. Especially the one’s about fear.

But when I came across this beautiful homespun video, the imagery of children at play and the “i love you’s,”  I was moved to share it with you.

A reminder. Simple & easy.  Which is exactly why I love music.

I hate to see you cry
Laying there in that position
There’s things you need to hear
So turn off your tears and listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won’t all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know it’s nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
But then the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won’t all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who’s misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good

I know it’s good

Related Optimysm:

• A Fearless Truth Teller
• Best of ’09 – Album
• Discovering Wholeness in Heart Break
• The Tremendous Gift of Fear by Tama Kieves
• Identifying Your Default Position

What is Thesis?

Thesis is a theme for your self-hosted WordPress website or blog.

• Don’t know the difference between a blog or website? That’s OK. Here’s my optimystical explanation.
• Don’t know what self-hosted means? Another “in-plain-English” post.

A theme is part of the inner workings of your web presence that introduces flexibility and efficiency when it comes to stylizing your unique web presence. By stylizing, I not only mean the colors, fonts, etc. (referred to as the look & feel) but also how you share information on your website (referred to as Information Architecture).

Most people get stuck on thinking design is merely colors, font choice, and use of imagery or custom design artwork (i.e., branding elements such as logos, header banners, sidebar buttons & banners). However both look & feel and Information Architecture comprise Design.

Why is this important for you to know?

One of the things I stress a lot on my own web presence, is the inevitability of change. Whether I’m helping women get their tech-savvy on or people in general discover alternative strategies for helping them improve their quality of life, it all revolves around that one important word. Change.

“The only constant is change.” Heraclitus, Greek philosopher

I won’t go all philosophical on you. But it’s true. The biggest “attachment” my clients come to the table with is the idea that once they create it (a web presence or whatever), it’s done.

And after years of working in Corporate America and trying to live by that standard, I nearly drove myself crazy until I embraced the idea that it’s never done. In fact, this is my number one guideline for staying optimystical during your webification process.

Learning how to detach from the outcome “it is finished” will help introduce the space for your creativity to emerge. A space that is undefined and in the process of becoming more defined as it oozes out of the artist.

Because change is the only constant, you’ll want a web presence that is flexible; able to grow with you and your business. And along with flexibility, you’ll want to keep in mind scalability. How easy will it be for me to continue extending myself or business on the web?

Thank the blogging gods for WordPress for providing a powerful foundation for managing your web presence. And then, hold the door open for a wide-welcome of the Thesis theme.

The Thesis theme makes it easy for you or a designer to make simple-to-radical changes almost effortlessly.

So let’s break it down even more, shall we?

Information Architecture

Today, you want three columns on your web presence. A big juicy “content” column and two “sidebars.” No problem.

Tomorrow (or next year), you change you mind and decide two columns is better. One juicy content column, one sidebar. Again, no problem. A few clicks on your WordPress dashboard at your Thesis options. Done!

Or let’s say you decide you want to keep three columns, but you want the layout to be skinny sidebar, juicy content, skinny sidebar. A very popular approach. Again, click click click. Done.

In the past, when a web site was built from the ground up… meaning every last bit of code is custom, these simple changes would mean a significant overhaul. Or, paying a skilled technician (web coder) to rearrange the code for you to get it to display the way you want. Time + money.

Because Thesis makes these types of changes so easy, you can do it yourself (really); saving yourself (you guessed it) time and money.

Look and Feel

From the look and feel side of the house, changing fonts and colors is, again, as simple as a few clicks. Whether your want the body text or sidebar text affected, those options are provided for with Thesis.

Introducing a custom header banner… again, once you have the artwork, it’s a matter of cutting & pasting the code into the right place on your WordPress dashboard.

But Mynde, what about free templates all over the web?

Yes. There are free themes and templates all over the web. It’s true! So why spend $87 bucks on Thesis?

Free templates are great. Really. I used a few of them for WordPress and many, many more for Blogger.

I encountered three big problems when I was using free templates.

#1 – A free template is too cookie-cutter for most people who want a unique web presence that represents who they are, what they do. They feel constrained by certain limitations that come with each individual free template. You invest some time and energy into making it un-coookie-cutter only to run into some very real blockages for growing forward that can only be solved using a more flexible content management system and/or template.

Thesis solves all of this. Simply scroll to the top of this article and begin reading from “What is Thesis?” :-)~

#2 – Any code tweaks I made to the free template, and believe me, you will have some because there is always something on the free template that you need modified or changed slightly. Rarely have I seen the free template utilized in its entirety straight out-of-the-box (or, after you’ve downloaded and installed it).

When WordPress introduces upgrades to its platforming technology (which happens all the time because the people at WordPress are constantly working to maintain their state-of-the-art content management system with security upgrades and functionality enhancements, to name a few), this can wreck havoc to your custom free template tweaks. Many times causing complete re-work of the tweaks. Or basically, re-investing the time, energy, resources that made your free template custom for you, all over again!

Thesis is built with this very thing in mind. Every custom tweak you implement on Thesis is saved in a way that helps minimize the need to re-customize everything all over again when WordPress (or the Thesis template itself) introduces an upgrade.

#3 – Support. When a free blogging template is born, it’s usually been created by a single developer who may or may not have the time to answer your specific questions about how to use it, how to fix issues that are introduced as a result of upgrades. This varies from free template to free template, of course.

With Thesis, a gynormous community of people who are already using the Thesis theme comes with it. This means forums for getting your questions answered and in some cases, by the Thesis developer himself (@pearsonified on Twitter and http://www.pearsonified.com/ on the web).

Not to mention, so many professional web designers are using Thesis for their clients, you can easily find other people in the same space I am (providing custom Thesis designs) to help you take your Thesis theme to the next level.

For me personally, I’m a starter-outer. I get you going without breaking the bank plus teach you how to use your WordPress dashboard including your Thesis options.

Why am I writing about Thesis?

Well, it’s true, that throughout most of my articles, I’ll provide an affiliate link. That means, I get a small kick-back from people who decide to purchase (in this case) Thesis for their WordPress blog using my Thesis affiliate link.

Yes, affiliate income generation is a popular strategy on the web. But it seriously does not pay my bills. It does, however, offset my overhead. And this is a good thing!

So my intention with my blog and anything I write about is not to make money by writing about the product itself. Yes, I’m here to make money, no lie. However, I enjoy making money by being in service to others. Leveraging my own life experiences to help you round corners and jump out of window ledges.

I wrote this article because so many of my best clients really need some support with the language of web technology, i.e. domain names, URL, hosting, Thesis theme, etc. All words you hear, but may not comprehend when you are just starting out. Which is my ideal client.

So Thesis is a theme. It’s utilized to make changes to your web presence more efficient. It’s flexible and scalable. Helping your web presence grow with you and your biz. It’s not free, but you get what you pay for. And the $87 bucks is a wise investment in a theme that is widely used and supported. And all upgrades to the Thesis theme are free after you purchase it.

It’s why I choose Thesis for my own WordPress web presence and why I recommend it to my best clients. Not to make money by selling it to you. But to help you make the best decision for you right now. So you can take the first step to getting webified more easily and confidently head in the direction you are wanting to go with you and your biz.

Thanks for reading and I hope this has helped to demystify some of your webification process. If you like my optimystical approach, I’d love to help you get your tech-savvy on. You can find out more about that under the Web Presence tab.

And one last time, here’s where you can get Thesis. And if you’d like to contribute to lowering my overhead, Thank You and use this link instead.

Optimystically Yours,

Related Optimysm:

• Customizing Your Blogger Header
• WordPress.org vs. WordPress.com
• Why Blogger?
• Getting To Know Your Visitors
  with Google Analytics
• How To Build A Contact Page in 3 1/2 Minutes

Just realizing, again, how important it is to have daily ritual.

I think I don’t really have one, but in truth, I do.

I really want, desire, long for… a better one. Or the discipline to at least follow that desire and do what I must in order to align with what I want.

I awake in the morning. And not every morning, but it is getting more frequent, I remember to think about something grateful or good the moment I’m aware that I’m awake.

I’ll get up, because once I am aware that I’m awake, regardless if my first thoughts were a blessing or not, my mind is turned on. And I can lie in bed thinking or get up and do. I prefer doing so I get up.

I use the bathroom. Go downstairs, make coffee, do any evening dishes. Sometimes feed the cats. Sometimes get a load of laundry out of the dryer. Sometimes stamp loan documents.

I return upstairs to my office with coffee in hand and peek at email. Read my daily blessing from Angela Peregoff, Abraham’s daily inspiration and Tut.com’s daily Notes From The Universe.

I try not to get captivated with Twitter or Facebook or other emails, but I usually do.

I put on workout clothes to prepare for my morning walk.

During summer months, I visit with my girlfriend as she readies for work. We say goodbye. During non-summer months, I get the Honeybee to school.

While I wait for my walking buddy to arrive, I peek at more emails, look at my task list, daily planner and HighRise.

And here’s what I wish I could change about my morning rituals…

I want to spend some quiet time, before even looking at my computer, to do Remembrance (a ten minute sufi practice introduced to me by Mark Silver).

I want to write something every morning. I don’t care what. Just open Word and begin typing. I have a lot to say. I just have a hard time allowing myself to say it. I usually always feel satisfied after I write first. Like everything else from here on out will be fun and even easy.

But instead, I walk and then return to my office and the day has already begun. The client calls are scheduled, or I’ll be spending time with technology helping a client create her new place on the web. Or on another Mobile Notary Tale.

What got me thinking about daily or morning ritual?

In the Unconventional Guide to Freelancing, the very first thing Charlie talks about is time, energy and attention. He calls it TEA. I wrap it all together in a nice little package and call it Focus. I think he puts TEA first because it’s that important.

What is my focus? What do I want to focus on? Where do I want to stream my energy? What will I create today? What am I giving my attention to? Because wherever I put my focus, is what I end up creating.

If I let my day begin me, I run randomly along. I can trust that I’ll be productive, but without understanding the interconnectedness of each of my tasks, I just blindly do, and end up feeling a little lost. Tired even. I end up putting more energy and effort into the doing. Forcing outcomes. Not much satisfaction here.

If I choose to be in charge of my focus and with compassionate discipline, deliberately begin my day with ritual that supports me, everything about what I’m doing changes.

If I choose to feel good first, being in quiet time with any good vision for my future, pre-pave a few segments of my day with trusting that my attention will grab onto how my clients inspire and expand me, how my life is inspiration and expansion and that I, in fact, inspire myself… and follow follow follow that, everything changes.

So I begin again. I know what I want to do, what I must do to align with what I want. But will I do it?

A Monday Morning Prayer

Today looked like much of my regular morning ritual, except instead of walking, I chose writing. And I put Abraham on Youtube as I prepped a post for publishing.

After I deliberately choose to make feeling good my first priority, I became inspired and thought this prayer and created this post.

“not one of you have been separated out” (~Abraham)
the Love of One God is available to every one of us.
in fact, by our mere created bodies and being here, together with our brothers & sisters, it is validation of God’s approval of exactly who he created in me.
just as i am.
it is my choice to see it as God sees it.
you as whole & complete and the perfect Son of God
me as whole & complete, the perfect Daughter of God.
and so it is. amen.

There is still time for my walk. I will go now. And when I return, I will do Remembrance. And then enter into each task with a happier heart.

• What does your morning or daily ritual look like?
• If you don’t currently have one, how might your life be different if you did?
• If you’ve already joined me in the mystery of figuring out how to compassionately be a deliberate creator, what really works for you?
• And are you challenged by knowing what you must do and wondering if today, you will do it? How do you help yourself do the things you really want to do?

Related Optimysm:

• Climbing Down Off The Window Ledge
• Fast Pass To The Vortex
• Beautiful Friday
• Keeping The End In Mind
• Jedi Moves: The Daily Grind