Dear Self: Would it be OK if I choose the easy way this year?
Lately, in the Twittersphere, there’s been lots of talk about goal setting. And yearly reviews. And 2010 objectives. And every time I read one, I mentally say “Ugh!”
That familiar feeling of discomfort. Measuring sticks and progress reports.
I remember getting ranked a number when I was in corporate. On a scale of 1-5, 3 was performing to normal or required expectations. A 4 was above expectations. And 5, exceptional (like it doesn’t and can’t happen every year).
Annual Review was a dreadful time. Of checking in personally with my own confidence levels. Writing glowy reports of what I did and hitting on key performance tracking details that aligned with the department’s strategic goals. Facing supervisory reviews. Hoping for alignment with a high percentage level of bonus payout, based on my performance.
I’m still shaking that measuring stick off. Even though I’ve been at the own-my-own-time steering wheel of entrepreneurship for three years. Officially. I left corporate in December 2007.
Perhaps not planning well enough is at the bottom of all my failures. I’m still figuring it all out.
Today, I was on a call with a client. That became a friend. It hasn’t happened too often since I started coaching. But you do form a special bond with the people that say Yes to you (I’m sure coaches reading this are nodding their heads).
Lee Miller mentioned something about easy.
I can’t remember what she said exactly. That happens when you check out for a minute into your own process when you’re being coached. It’s an aha-moment.
She said (well, I’m saying she said, from what I remember) “Easy or hard. What would you like to have?”
And I realized how my habit is making it hard. All the time. Analyzing things in my head. Contemplating all the possible scenarios of outcomes. But always trying to make the right choice. Wanting that passionately.
And I cried. Stopping to let an awareness in, asking myself for some forgiveness. About how hard I can be on me. And that I do it without even thinking. Subconsciously.
Lee had said to me (in so many words) that she loved me and wanted it to be easier for me.
And I said through gaspy tears, “OK. Me too!”
“I choose that for me.”
And my 2010 intention was born. Just a few hours ago.
I intend to follow easy this year. On every turn. I promise myself. I’ll do my best to come back to the moment with an intention to be willing to discover how good easy can be. And the possibility it might be more rewarding than the hard, analyzing way through.
I am willing to follow easy.
That’s kinda an earth shattering thing to say out loud. But when I really sat with it, allowing easy into the moment, I felt better instantly. And vibrationally speaking, a lighter, more expanded way of being. Where there is room to stretch out wide, heart open to myself and the world.
Easy to me is following passion and creative flow. Throwing the rules out the window. Showing up. Opening up. Allowing the words to come out. Value, no value. Writing for myself.
I want to find myself in the flow, more and more, this year.
I want to find the guideposts of synchronicity chiming in, singing to me, more and more, this year.
I want to trust that it IS me, in every authentic word, more and more, this year.
And I am ready for it to be surprisingly, joyfully and funtastically easy.