Fearlessness

At the end of 2011, when my watchwords (creativity, honesty & soulful purpose) for 2012 appeared, I had no idea just how much they’d become companions for my journey through Cancerville.

Even though Fall has officially begun, I want to talk about how I spent my summer, and how creativity has shown up as part of my journey to wellness.

Most of the other people I’ve met in Cancerville have a challenging time with the notion of giving grace in the face of this difficult diagnosis; referring to cancer as a beast which conjures up ideas of noble fights and merciless warriors focused on destruction of the enemy. Destruction, enemies, fighting… do not feel or sound like Love to me, but fear.

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eyelashes

June 29, 2012

On Wednesday, I had a personal moment. while in the bathroom applying my mascara, the thought crossed my mind for the umpteenth time.

“they’re all gonna fall out.”

and i felt my chest heave up. my nostrils flare open. i was sucking it in.

eventually, you have to let it go. and i did. my breath. and a ton of other girlie thoughts about them.

At my first oncology visit, the nurse practitioner was gazing over the doctor’s shoulder as he did the standard health check on me. gently pressing his stethascope into my chest, she stood behind him looking directly into my eyes.

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Hug My Cancer

May 16, 2012

How do you write about life-changing moments? Like… where do you start? Those biiiiigg stories. That feel like you have to reach far back in time to the beginning, instead of simply saying, this is what it is.

Stories. Our stories. The ones that happened to us. The ones that are happening now. The ones we wish & hope for which I call dreams… stories literally shape our lives. In every way.

I’ve been learning a lot about personal storytelling. And Love.

My personal story got a re-write Friday, May 4th. I have cancer. And what I know is one of the most amazing stories of my life is unfolding.

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Reverberations, part 1

December 18, 2010

December 8 – Beautifully Different

Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)

What’s been revealed to me this year, about my beautifully different, is a kinda of grace and ease that I bring to situations. I’ve learned, you gotta lighten up before you can light up. Learning how to be compassionate and understanding with myself, learning how to be more open (less reactive) to my own path and process. Noticing sorenesses and choosing to sooth them by acknowledging what wants to be acknowledged and allowing myself room to be where I’m at (we usually have judgments against our own feelings, a sneaky kind of self-rejection). Maybe even offer the soreness (myself) a bit of love and acceptance; otherwise there can be no lighting up.

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[This post contains a video, so you might need to click through if you’re reading this via email or RSS.]

Last week, I shared about changes I’m personally making in me. Enormous internal ones and how those internal shifts create experiences in my external world.

I shared specifically, about how I have a sore spot, my belief in my own inferiority, and how it was activated during a mobile notary tale. I talked about how my new awareness of the inferiority is showing up, my desire to practice changing it and how that manifested for me.

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Last week, three people asked me about what I had learned after doing the Free Coaching gig I offered at the end of April.

When three people ask, I know it’s time to write. Not that I’ve been looking for things to write about. That appears to me, in every nook & cranny of my life.

But a bigger, underlying false premise behind what stops me from writing is thinking it’s not valuable, relevant or meaningful enough to share.

And since three are asking, I figured even though it feels weird and funky and foreign… I’m willing to share it through my eyes. The things I learned from giving 30 days of free coaching away…

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I think the modern day Jedi is an agent for love. For creating an impact in our world by being the change.

No, I’m not a total Star Wars geek. I was about 8 years old when the first movie came out. I fell in love with Luke and then Han Solo (because he was the “bad boy” and I’m really attracted to rule-breakers). Leah, though, I saw as a mystical warrior princess. LOVED her! Wanted to be like her.

On my own personal path, I’ve been drawn to figuring things out. Figuring myself out mostly. What made me happy? Why wasn’t I more happy more of the time? What is the source of happiness, contentedness?

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The Gift of Fear

June 11, 2010

While watching two really great conversations about Fear this morning, Jonathan Fields shared three powerful questions he uses to help him diffuse the debilitating side effects of fear. They were:

  • What if I fail? (telling a new story about a realistic recovery from the failure)
  • What if I do nothing? (often more terrifying than contemplating failure & recovery)
  • What if I succeed? (pivoting into hope, because we cannot really come alive when we act from fear)

And then Chris Guillebeau talked about giving yourself permission, (I refer to this as giving yourself permission amnesia).

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Wanna Be Jedi?

May 26, 2010

Last month, around my birthday, I decided to do this 30 day free coaching thing. A program. An offer.

Because I felt like, the biggest barrier I have to on-boarding my Jedi wanna-be’s is usually money. And not necessarily that you are considering spending it, but who/what you are thinking of spending it on.

Yourself.

“Am I worth this investment?”

I know my light bill is important and the car needs tires, etc. That is money that I understand spending.

However, when it comes to spending it on myself… a whole different set of challenges come up disguised in the form of rationalizations about why you just can’t.

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I think it’s easy to get lost in planning. In processes. In setting future-oriented goals to move toward.

It’s all good.

In a lot of ways, our structure gives us freedom. To flow with our creativity. To be more intentional with it.

And then a bad day hits. Knocking our processes and plans for the future out of kilter.

And you wonder where all your tools and resources went for weathering this, another stormy season.

I would say if the fear Jedi had a daily practice, like Qi Gong or something, it would be the act of making it her intention to approve of herself, constantly. In a mantra-like way.

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“She got me and my essence and expanded it.”~ Annette Tersigni, YogaNurse.com (web)