Best of ’09 – Album

Best of ’09 is a series of posts inspired by Gwen Bell’s The Best of 09 Blog Challenge. It’s a challenge designed to help me write more and rediscover more grateful moments in my 2009! Hopefully, 31 posts in 31 days 😉

Album of the year. What’s rocking your world?

[This post contains a video, so you’ll have to click through if you’re reading this via email or RSS.]

Music always rocks my world. And I love it!

I love music artists even more. And how their lyrics say what my own words have not yet been able to come together and say. And how their music or sound of their voice takes me completely away. Arrests me. I listen closely to the lyrics because I want to be arrested. I want to feel understood. And a song always seems to show up at the perfect time. Like when Pandora fed me Rope Swings and Avalanches as I wrote about my biggest challengeand put it in a post.

I didn’t have a favorite album this year. Last year I did. Last year, I did not take Sarah Bareilles’ Little Voice out of my car CD player for 8 months. But that was last year.

This year there is no one album that stuck out for me . But one song did.

And I only tweeted this 100x or so, so if you follow me, this won’t be a big surprise.

The song that really captures where I’ve been growing the most this year (and probably the last five) is Say by John Mayer from the movie, The Bucket List.

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put ‘em in quotations

Say what you need to say [x8]

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you’d be better off instead,
If you could only . . .

Say what you need to say [x8]

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You’d better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say [x24]

Hearts, Life & Another John Mayer Song

[This is a video post, so you might need to click through if you’re reading this via email or RSS.]

On my walk yesterday, this song came on Pandora on my Droid. And I listened like it was brand new, even though the song is from 2006.

In one of the various movies that often frequent my headspace, I saw a wiser, older version of myself. She was singing to the me in this now, here with you.

The words caught me first. Especially the one’s about fear.

But when I came across this beautiful homespun video, the imagery of children at play and the “i love you’s,”  I was moved to share it with you.

A reminder. Simple & easy.  Which is exactly why I love music.

I hate to see you cry
Laying there in that position
There’s things you need to hear
So turn off your tears and listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won’t all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know it’s nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
But then the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won’t all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who’s misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good

I know it’s good

Pretty Wings

Music is such an important part of my life.

It soothes my heart when I feel broken. It inspires me. I feel strengthened and fortified somehow by music. Mostly, music articulates in a way that only music can. And I love that about it. That a song can completely captivate me… grab my heart and stop whatever else is happening.  Lyrics, rhythms, melodies and their artists. I am head over heels.

It’s Friday. And it feels like a good time to share how music moved me this week. How it showed up. What the song told me. Who I thought about while I listened. Just really anything I want to share about why this song and why now.

I’ve posted videos in the past. But starting today, I’m officially introducing a new category on my blog I’m calling Music That Saves Me.

My intention is just to share a song that touched me in some way during the past week. I plan to do this each Friday. But I’m not going to “challenge” myself (or you) to anything. I’m just gonna let the music tell the story. So here goes…

Maxwell

Huge fan. Fell in love with him listening to his album called Embrya, late 90’s I think. Lyrics, the tunes, his voice, his super expressive singing style… all amazing.

Pretty Wings. Not the first time I’ve heard it. But this time, I listened and tears just flowed and made my face all wet. Mostly because I am deeply in the throws of practicing new ways of being with myself while I let go of some stuff. Mostly ideas about the past. Previous versions of myself. And those versions of me that I really need to say goodbye too.

This song to me, is about saying goodbye. Or letting go. Or giving love wings to fly. It feels so scary to let go of love. Maxwell also expresses how deeply grateful he is for knowing the experience in the first place.

And that choosing to let go is really about choosing to live

It’s fall, the season for shedding. Have you checked out Bindu’s Shed Project? It’s about half way through, but it doesn’t really matter what time you start. Bindu is sharing about some of the complexity of letting go and reminds me it’s a part of life, and always will be… I’m re-orienting myself toward loss by becoming more friendly toward it and myself as I practice letting go.

Maxwell helped this week.

[This is a video post, so you might need to click through if you’re reading this via email or RSS.]

Time will bring the real end of our trial
One day there’ll be no remnants,
no trace no residual
No feelings within ya
One day you won’t remember me.

Your face will be the reason I smile
But I will not see what I cannot have forever
I’ll always love ya
I hope you feel the same.

Woah Oh, you played me dirty, your game was so bad
You toyed with my affliction
Had to fill out my prescription
For the remedy
I had to set you free.

Away from me
To see clearly the way that love can be
When you are not with me

I had to leave
I had to live
I had to leave
I had to live…

If I can’t have you
Let love set you free to fly your pretty wings around.

Pretty wings, your pretty wings, your
Pretty wings. Pretty wings around.

I came wrong you were right
Transformed your love into lie
Baby believe me I’m sorry I told you lies

I turned day into night
Sleep till I die a thousand times
I should have showed you better nights, better times, better days
And I miss you more and more

If I can’t have you
Let love set you free
To fly your pretty wings around

Pretty wings, your pretty wings, your
Pretty wings, your Pretty wings around

No Regrets, Forest Sun

[This is a video post, so you might need to click through if you’re reading this via email or RSS.]

This week flew by in a blurred whoosh. I heard a few songs that captivated me. I stopped, thought and relished.

But the truth is, this song hooked me about 3 or 4 weeks ago when I first heard it on Pandora. At the time, I was reflecting about the past, about a relationship, about the various relationships I’ve had with myself.  And of course, others in my life who’ve touched me in special ways and… thinking about how the relationship itself didn’t exactly turn out the way I’d planned or hoped.

More goodbyeing here… in the continued vein and seasonal invitation to let go and discover… grace where it’s been sore and bruised, vulnerable and protected.

No Regrets by Forest Sun

Forest Sun “No Regrets” (6 of 8) Folk Music from San Francisco from One Night Music on Vimeo.

darling, no regrets.
I’m so glad we met.
and even though we made a mess,
I’m glad that we said yes…
darling, no regrets.

you know I love you still,
and I always will.
and love is not a test,
I know we did our best..
darling, no regrets

oh darling, no regrets
oh darling, no regrets

darling, no regrets
here’s to your success…
may all you do be blessed,
I wish you every happiness…
darling, no regrets.

oh darling, no regrets
oh darling, no regrets

Surrender

Friday. Music That Saves Me.

Wednesday this week, goddess Lauren Hill came through Pandora’s musical umbilical cord and dropped into my heart along side thoughts of a very brave friend facing cancer. I heard the words and thought about romantical love. But that’s not exactly where my head was…

I was thinking about Love in general. The feeling of Love, in any shape, on any level. Thinking, after knowing Love, nothing really matters at all.

These days, I find myself relaxing gently, more and more, into this surrender. Reading about my friend’s journey, thinking about the Love & Light that each of us are and will continue to be… even after, nothing even matters. Love remains.

Nothing Even Matters, Lauren Hill

[This is the video part of the post, so you might need to click through if you’re reading this via email or RSS.]

Now the skies could fall
Not even if my boss should call
The world it seems so very small
‘Cause nothin’ even matters at all

See nothin’ even matters
See nothin’ even matters at all
Nothin’ even matters
Nothin’ even matters at all

See, I don’t need no alcohol
Your love makes me feel ten feet tall
Without it, I’d go through withdrawal
‘Cause nothin’ even matters at all

Nothin’ even matters
Nothin’ even matters at all
Nothin’ even matters
Nothin’ even matters at all

These buildings could drift out to sea
Some natural catastrophe
Still there’s no place I’d rather be
‘Cause nothin’ even matters to me

See nothin’ even matters
See nothin’ even matters to me
Nothin’ even matters
Nothin’ even matters to me

You’re part of my identity
I sometimes have the tendency
To look at you religiously, baby
‘Cause nothin’ even matters to me

Nothin’ even matters
Nothin’ even matters to me
Said I don’t, my baby, baby

Now you won’t find me at no store
I have no time for manicures
With you it’s never either or
‘Cause nothin’ even matters no more

See nothin’, it don’t matters
See nothin’ even matters no more
Nothin’ even matters
Nothin’ even matters no more

Now my team could score
And make it to the final four
Just repossess my 4 x 4
‘Cause nothin’ even matters no more

Nothin’ even matters
Nothin’ even matters no more
Nothin’ even matters, oh oh oh

To me, to me, to me, to me, to me
To me, to me, to me, to me, to me

Nothing even matters
Nothing even matters no more
Nothing even matters
Nothing even matters

Nothing but you
Nothing but you

In My Dreams I Go Down By The Water

A group of family & friends are gathering today to join together in witnessing and blessing the marriage between these two. A very happy Music That Saves Me Friday.

For Lorie & Tim.

Diamond In The Rough, Shawn Colvin

[This is the video part of the post, so you might need to click through if you’re reading this via email or RSS.]

As a little girl I came down to the water
With a little stone in my hand
It would shimmer and sing
And we knew everything
As a little girl I came down

But in a little while I got steeped in authority
Heaven only knows what went wrong
There is nothing so cruel than
to bury that jewel
When it was mine all along
I’m gonna find it

You’re shining I can see you
You’re smiling that’s enough
I’m holding on to you
Like a diamond in the rough

Every now and then
I can see that I’m getting somewhere
Where I have to go is so deep
I was angry back then and you
know I still am
I have lost too much sleep
But I’m gonna find it

You’re shining I can see you
You’re smiling that’s enough
I’m holding on to you
Like a diamond in the rough
Like a diamond in the rough

In my dreams I go down by the water
With a little girl in my arms
And we shimmer and sing
And we know everything
In my dreams I go down

You’re shining I can see you
You’re smiling that’s enough
I’m holding on to you
Like a diamond in the rough
Like a diamond in the rough

Farewell Twenty Ten

Someday, Rob Thomas

Cause sometimes we don’t really notice
Just how good it can get

So maybe we should start all over
Start all over again…

[This is a video post, so you might need to click through if you’re reading this via email or RSS.]

You can go
You can start all over again
You can try to find a way to make another day go by
You can hide
Hold all your feelings inside
You can try to carry on when all you want to do is cry

And maybe someday
We’ll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now and
Maybe someday we’ll live our lives out loud
We’ll be better off somehow
Someday

Now wait
And try to find another mistake
If you throw it all away then maybe you can change your mind
You can run, oh
And when everything is over and done
You can shine a little light on everything around you
Man it’s good to be someone

And maybe someday
We’ll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now and
Maybe someday we’ll live our lives out loud
We’ll be better off somehow
Someday

And I don’t want to wait
I just want to know
I just want to hear you tell me so
Give it to me straight
Tell it to me slow

Cause maybe someday
We’ll figure all this out
We’ll put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to just feel better now and
Maybe someday we’ll live our lives out loud
We’ll be better off somehow
Someday

Cause sometimes we don’t really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over again

Cause sometimes we don’t really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over again

Little Wonders

Gratitude

When you feel awesome, milk it. Line up all the blessings you can and count each little wonder tenderly!

When you feel awful, acknowledge it. When you feel like you have nothing else, if you look, Gratitude is still here. Helping you to remember, every “right here and now” becomes a “that was then.”

Go to gratitude. Any way, shape or form of it. Just find a way to get there.

Take a walk and look for things to appreciate (it’s what saved me from a window ledge once). Look for something in your life you love that you already have. Go back in time to a memory that brought you amazing joy and re-experience it again.

Building lists: Add 5 gratitudes a day

Today, I’m grateful for these things…

  • A very blue sky. Or a very dark and cloudy one. Both equally worthy of my gratitude and appreciation.
  • A warm hug hello. A sweet kiss goodbye.
  • space to tell my truth and the willing heart who listens.
  • Warmth. Socks. A full hot bath. My made-for-me blue aphgan. Tea-cupped hands. The heating pad comforting my lower back.

Gratitude. The doorway. The path.

Little Wonders, Rob Thomas

[This is a video post, so you might need to click through if you’re reading this via email or RSS.]

let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don’t you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don’t mind
if it’s me you need to turn to
we’ll get by,
it’s the heart that really matters in the end

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now

in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away but these small hours
these small hours, still remain,
still remain
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain

Business & Alignment

A lot shifts, when you begin focusing on your alignment.

Most times, those shifts are not the ones I expect. Or daydream of. They’re usually beyond what I could imagine dreaming on my own.

My 40-day-alignment series has concluded. I challenged myself to show up more. Here on my blog. To write and share more. I guess to show up more in my life really… when I even thought to choose Alignment as my word for 2011.

40-Days was me, on a major run at getting in alignment. Making it my #1 priority. The best I could. Over “approximately” 40-days-or-so.

The soft deadlines, not knowing each morning what I would write about (I had a rough conceptual outline consisting of 4 bullet points I wished to cover). All on purpose. Intentionally giving myself room, not to try too hard at this. Let it be easy(my 2010 word).

And here we are. A quiet fallow period last week (hat tip to Dian Reid).

Except it hasn’t been quiet, although it may seem that way to you. Behind the scenes, my life is exploding with growth and change that seems all too much to share, even everyday, here on my blog.

One of the biggest changes that happened last week (well really over the process of several weeks and probably longer) is that my focus shifted to my business. It was requested actually. It became increasingly clear to me that I needed to discover greater alignment in my business with the services I offer and what I was charging for them.

So, if you look closely, you’ll see changes in my business. Adjustments that help me feel more in alignment. Certainly on-going and forthcoming in many other areas of my business and life. The nature of everything, really. Change.

Except my change is now guided by this idea about my alignment. About looking forward in my life and thinking about the things that elicit visceral emotional activity within me. The good kind of course. And I’m letting those good feelings guide me to the next step for today.

I can trust the good feelings. I can trust good. I’m still experiencing a bit of resistance here, in the area of trust, so I sort of soothe and appreciate the resistance and bingo, there is a letting go that happens. A shift. A realignment. Simply by softening the resistance. It’s a whole other angle to work and explore if you are deliberately teaching yourself about your alignment like I am.

I’m finding more and more, that alignment for me, is about standing up in my life. It’s about aligning an outer worldly self with my inner being, which is much bigger than my worldly self. It’s the part of me that is also you. It is the we, that is eternity. In that knowing, I’m inspired to stand up.

Stand Up, Dave Matthews Band

Rise

my birthday wish for every one

It’s Easter Sunday. And my 42nd birthday.

I keep smiling at that. Imbuing all sorts of meaning into it.

Today, is my re-birth day. I got up with Jesus, high-fiving me on his way out of this cave I’ve been living in.

Every day is a rebirth for all of us. In every moment lies the opportunity to rethink something and be reborn. To rise from under the albatross, the heaviness in our souls we carry when we’ve forgotten we are nothing less than perfectly whole & complete. Trust the empty dark void that any thought other than this brings; It is your Light.

And eventually, we all rise.

After 42 years, here’s what I know for sure:

  • Focus. It’s life or death. Really. It is.
  • Believe. You are the magic. You make it happen.
  • Let go. And all your dreams will follow.

Samantha James, Rise.