Reverberations, part 1

December 8 – Beautifully Different

Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)

What’s been revealed to me this year, about my beautifully different, is a kinda of grace and ease that I bring to situations. I’ve learned, you gotta lighten up before you can light up. Learning how to be compassionate and understanding with myself, learning how to be more open (less reactive) to my own path and process. Noticing sorenesses and choosing to sooth them by acknowledging what wants to be acknowledged and allowing myself room to be where I’m at (we usually have judgments against our own feelings, a sneaky kind of self-rejection). Maybe even offer the soreness (myself) a bit of love and acceptance; otherwise there can be no lighting up.

Lighting people up, is about finding new openings into what’s possible, helping you see things differently, and getting a perspective tweak… a perspective that brings you to the edge of hope; igniting passion, creativity, and the courage to fearlessly pursue what your inner knowing is calling you toward.

December 7 – Community

Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Author: Cali Harris)

Community, for me, is about connection. Connection, is about seeing myself in you. The more I see you & I having a similar or shared experience, the more I realize I am not alone. The things I think, the feelings I feel, are not an isolated experience. Or some strange exception.

Community, for me, is about inspiration. Where I connect with an inner motivation that helps me infuse my personal pursuit of happiness with possibility & wonder, hope & belief in my own dreams and the intrinsic value I bring to it.

Community, for me, is about helpfulness toward one another, the people of our World and Mother Earth. A place where I can choose to be in meaningful service.

In 2011, I’m continuing to connect more deeply into the awareness of my interconnectedness with all of life. When I see my own reflection in you. A Course In Miracles calls this “a holy instant,” where I am able to suspend judgment entirely… and refers to it as “the most useful learning device for teaching you love’s meaning.” This is my 2011 community.

December 6 – Make

What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)

That last thing I made… was a wish. I wished for today. I used some Esther Hicks, a pen and pad of paper, my imagination, and several dashes of possibility. I took each segment of my today, what I know for sure about it…. like where I’m going, what I’ll be doing, and thought up the best possible outcome for each one. I gave myself a few moments to come into emotional alignment with those outcomes. And dive deeply into exploring how it would make me feel, how I wantto feel.  Gently hold that place as long as possible. Then relax into… it was mine before I desired it. Smile, know, love, trust. Let go! Eyes open… begin.

The thing I made time for this year, that I created space for, was/is my morning ritual. In 2011, more and more of my days begin intentionally.

I felt it & looked forward to it, and then it was. ~Abraham

December 5 – Let Go

What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

This year, I let go of versions of me… A me with beliefs that no longer serve. A me (always a few of these each year) camping out in my past. A review of what I say to myself about it all…  And wondering who I’m trying to convince… Myself? You? That my belief is true. It’s true (cling). It’s true (clingier). Until it isn’t.  Fortunately, some things outgrow their usefulness.

Dropping Illusions was my attempt to write about a revelatory moment I had this year… where I realized how often I was letting the belief in my inferiority, direct my show. A version of me, I said goodbye to this year.

Reverb10.com. An annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. The end of the year is an opportunity to reflect on what’s happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead. With Reverb10, you can do both!

Jedi Moves: The Daily Grind

I think it’s easy to get lost in planning. In processes. In setting future-oriented goals to move toward.

It’s all good.

In a lot of ways, our structure gives us freedom. To flow with our creativity. To be more intentional with it.

And then a bad day hits. Knocking our processes and plans for the future out of kilter.

And you wonder where all your tools and resources went for weathering this, another stormy season.

I would say if the fear Jedi had a daily practice, like Qi Gong or something, it would be the act of making it her intention to approve of herself, constantly. In a mantra-like way.

There are many ways of wielding the saber of light in our lives and this practice of daily acknowledgment is just that, a life saver.

Inside each Jedi is a deep well. It accepts deposits from a very specific institution. Although you can put other people’s acceptance of you inside your well, this well can really only measure deposits from the Institute of You.

Every Jedi has a dark side. In it, a voice that says things like …

”What if you just made the biggest mistake in your life… like ever? NOW what will you do?” or

“Just what exactly do you think you are doing? No one really cares about that. It’s not important enough to matter to anyone else.” and

“What will so-and-so think? Omg, if XYZ found out then this would happen (fill in the blank). You had better not do that!”

The only thing that quiets the dark voice of fear is turning the Jedi’s focus to the light.

“I acknowledge myself for staying anchored in my own self while the storm is happening.”

“I acknowledge myself for deciding that I matter more than any current drama.”

“I acknowledge myself for showing up again today & being more me than ever before.”

It’s the only way to keep the edges sharp and clear. And keep the inside well of self-approval full of You.

A daily practice of “I approve of me” that tilts you ever so slightly in the direction of Love. Building reserves of confidence and self-esteem that keep helping you be free to be more you.

Wanna Be Jedi?

Last month, around my birthday, I decided to do this 30 day free coaching thing. A program. An offer.

Because I felt like, the biggest barrier I have to on-boarding my Jedi wanna-be’s is usually money. And not necessarily that you are considering spending it, but who/what you are thinking of spending it on.

Yourself.

“Am I worth this investment?”

I know my light bill is important and the car needs tires, etc. That is money that I understand spending.

However, when it comes to spending it on myself… a whole different set of challenges come up disguised in the form of rationalizations about why you just can’t.

Anyways, I felt like if you had a no-risk way of checking it out (becoming Jedi), you’d personally experience the value and then it would nearly be impossible for you to say No to me.

I mean, you’d discover how rocking it is to be you, getting your Jedi on and that there is no amount of money in the world that is actually worth knowing how to do that.

Right in the midst of creating said “most attractive offer ever” (the 30 day free coaching thing), I got feedback from one of my most favorite Jedi’s (well you are ALL my favorite. I seriously believe the people that say yes to this work rock and are so so brave to want to live a full out fearless life!)

The young Skywalker said “Your coaching rates are too low.”

And I agreed.

So I’m crankin up the awesome (and not necessarily because of Charlie Gilkey, but we will be blaming him for other forth-coming changes very soon!)

Anyways, just trying to be clear and full of heart here.

My coaching rate is going up June 1st.

If you have been thinking about getting with me (or getting with your Jedi), I want to give you the opportunity to purchase some coaching sessions at my current low-low rate of $60. After June 1st, I’m feeling my rate is headed toward the $90 range (not a threat, just some factual information).

If you are ready for more you, Jedi-style, please email me at mynde (at) myndemayfield (dot) com and we’ll get you set up. Even if you plan to start with me, say in July or August… you can lock in a certain number of sessions now and save some dough.

And that’s really it.

And let me just share one more thing… when I pay for it, I end up giving myself more permission to get more out of it. It raises the bar for me. It’s a risk to say Yes to me and say I matter enough to myself to invest in me. And I can feel it (well the pocketbook certainly does, right?) which helps me get more out of any investment, especially investments in myself.

The Gift of Fear

While watching two really great conversations about Fear this morning, Jonathan Fields shared three powerful questions he uses to help him diffuse the debilitating side effects of fear. They were:

  • What if I fail? (telling a new story about a realistic recovery from the failure)
  • What if I do nothing? (often more terrifying than contemplating failure & recovery)
  • What if I succeed? (pivoting into hope, because we cannot really come alive when we act from fear)

And then Chris Guillebeau talked about giving yourself permission, (I refer to this as giving yourself permission amnesia).

And I was inspired to think about the shifts and changes I’ve created in my life since I started practicing re-orienting myself to my fear.

10 Things I Discovered When I Faced My Fear

  • When I faced my deeply held fear that I wasn’t enough, I came out of the closet.
  • When I faced my fear that mistakes mean I suck, I found self-approval.
  • When I faced my fear that I wasn’t smart enough to do my own thing, I became an entrepreneur.
  • When I faced my fear that I’m not supposed to say things that might upset other people, I found my voice.
  • When I faced my fear of others disapproval of my choices/decisions, I discovered I could trust myself & that I actually do know what’s best for me.
  • When I faced my fear of doing it wrong, I discovered there is no wrong.
  • When I faced my fear that shining brightly means I’ll attract something too big for me to handle, I found faith & remembered I am the Light and nothing can change that.
  • When I face my fear of pressing publish, I jump off window-ledges.
  • When I face my fear that the hurt will never stop, I find friends & lovers holding me.
  • When I face my fear that no one really wants what I’m offering (who I am) & decide to show up anyway, I find the perfect RT on Twitter, or email in my inbox, or “I love you” text on my Droid.

What’s Up With The “Jedi” Thing?

I think the modern day Jedi is an agent for love. For creating an impact in our world by being the change.

No, I’m not a total Star Wars geek. I was about 8 years old when the first movie came out. I fell in love with Luke and then Han Solo (because he was the “bad boy” and I’m really attracted to rule-breakers). Leah, though, I saw as a mystical warrior princess. LOVED her! Wanted to be like her.

On my own personal path, I’ve been drawn to figuring things out. Figuring myself out mostly. What made me happy? Why wasn’t I more happy more of the time? What is the source of happiness, contentedness?

And, ironically, I ended up contemplating the idea of fear itself. Mostly because I had read some stuff about fear and love and I knew for sure, I wanted more love. I mean, who doesn’t want more love? Not just romantic love. But a sorta magical love. The kind that creates an entire universe in order to show itself to you.

Focusing on fear (what it looks like and how it shows up in my life) helped me discover areas that could be transformed. Change a fear-based choice or thought into a more powerful one. The power came from using the appearance of fear to shift into a powerful line of questioning. The question themselves always anchored in the idea of love. And having access to more love meant feeling more powerful, intentional, and on purpose in my life.

Having more access to love impacted everything. The outer and then inner. It spilled over into the ideas I held about myself. I was able to accept more of myself, which created a self confidence to follow a dream of being my own boss and being in service to others. So I could do stuff everyday that made a difference.

Love is the Force. Somewhere, I made the jump. And it was natural to step into the context of being Jedi. Or at least, becoming Jedi.

Jedi is an idea that at least two generations in modern history can grab onto and get. It also appeals to both men & women.

Talking about getting my Jedi on is born out of fun & play. Essentials. In my life and coaching practices.

And everyone I work with gets it. And wants it. To be more Jedi in their own life. To be their own Source. More often. To make more of choices, direct more of their thoughts toward knowing and having what they want and taking action from that place.

I think the modern day Jedi is an agent for love. For creating an impact in our world by being the change.

I also like the idea of claiming a part of my self as my own hero. It just works for me.

Since life provides us the playground, we can exercise our free will to choose love or not. And when we practice showing up with more love, especially when it’s the most difficult time to show & be love, that is Jedi.

And it’s the best thing I can think of to do and be. So I can be the change, and help co-create and share a more meaningful life.

Free Coaching – The Learnings

Last week, three people asked me about what I had learned after doing the Free Coaching gig I offered at the end of April.

When three people ask, I know it’s time to write. Not that I’ve been looking for things to write about. That appears to me, in every nook & cranny of my life.

But a bigger, underlying false premise behind what stops me from writing is thinking it’s not valuable, relevant or meaningful enough to share.

And since three are asking, I figured even though it feels weird and funky and foreign… I’m willing to share it through my eyes. The things I learned from giving 30 days of free coaching away…

#1 – Just Do It

Before I did it, I had so much hesitancy. Boat loads of it.

I learned, again, that most of the time (at least 95%) I just need to do it. I just need to begin. To start. To jump. To do it.

There is no more right time than right now.

I went for it. Noticing the hesitancy, but not needing it not to be present in order for me to proceed.

I also faced some fear talking smack. It sounded like, “What if no one shows up? What if no one wants what I’ve got? Or gets what I’m doing?”

Ugh. Painful.

But at some point, I think after experiencing my perception of failing, enough times, I’ve made some kinda new peace with it. I still get totally freaked out about it. But once I get enough room to detach, I’m able to remind myself that making mistakes is a good thing.

And the only failure is in not beginning. Or starting again. As the case may be.

#2 – Getting to ‘Money is off the table’ is total freedom.

This one feels like a long time coming. Not that it has come all the way. But it’s coming nonetheless. Like birth again. I feel lots of things being born within me at this time.

Here’s a big one that clarified during this free coaching biz: the people I want to work with want to pay me.

This started out as me internally getting that when pay someone, it gives mefreedom to ask for everything I want from them. From the experience. A real investment in myself. To just go for it.

I want to work with those kinds of people. Where investments in themselves is something they just do. And have done. For a long, long time.

The people showing up to work with me now, since I did this, ask me to bill them and send them money. Are you kidding?!

Money is completely off the table. So offering anything for free is sorta silly… ?

Not that the people I met and had the pleasure of working/are working with are silly.

But to offer it for free… yeah, no. I’m pretty sure I’ve crossed more fully over into a new space about how I value my self and how that’s connected to me doing business.

What I’m Still Learning

I still think there is space in here for me to clarify how people translate value in the offer itself. We all want a good deal. Or a bargain. Maybe its part of creating a sense of urgency, I’m not sure.

I personally don’t always feel supported by urgency. I like to take at least 24 hours to make important decisions. False urgency is gross. And we’ve felt it when we’ve read it on certain sales pages. The lousy scare tactic. Blegh!

But something did happen when I said out loud, this is the offer. It’s free. It’s for a limited time (and named a few other red velvet rope criteria). Something is happening in there. I’m wondering if there is any value in me trying to understand that further.

I’ll let you know what else bubbles up. If it does. Or maybe go re-read Charlie’s posts on pricing perception and see what sticks this time.

I guess the only other remaining obvious question is Will I do it again?

I’m not sure. I’m not having the urge to do it again. Which doesn’t necessarily mean I shouldn’t or won’t.

Some of the facts… 2 of the 4 people I coached converted to paying clients. Not that that was my sole intention. I was curious. Yes! But I actually just missed coaching and wanted to turn up the coaching side of my life/biz because I missed it.

So I set an intention early on in the process of deciding to do the free coaching gig. I wanted to be coaching my ass off in the month of May. That was my bottom line. Joy is my focus these days. It’s the thing that keeps me going. Coaching is one of the things that brings me a lot of joy. Supporting people to work with fear in a brand new way in their lives inspires me.

Having that intention up front made it easier to remember along the way. And when the trash talk appeared, I found myself more prepared for it. And remembering, “I want to be coaching my ass off in May” had a potent effect on choosing to take another step.

My internal conversation shifted into “Just try it and see what happens.” And I became curious instead of fearing what hasn’t or isn’t happening yet.

Have you thought about offering your thing for free (longer than a free call or session?)

I’d love to hear from you in the comments. Or if you any other specific questions for me…

Jedi Moves: Working With Sore Spots Using C.O.R.E.

[This post contains a video, so you might need to click through if you’re reading this via email or RSS.]

Last week, I shared about changes I’m personally making in me. Enormous internal ones and how those internal shifts create experiences in my external world.

I shared specifically, about how I have a sore spot, my belief in my own inferiority, and how it was activated during a mobile notary tale. I talked about how my new awareness of the inferiority is showing up, my desire to practice changing it and how that manifested for me.

What I did in the moment, to practice taking care of me. And how I avoided stepping down the slippery slope of allowing my own fear-based reaction meet up with someone else’s on the path. A constant seduction.

Today’s post is more about it. Specifically, what transpired right after it happened.

More life creating it self, for my opportunity and benefit. If you are optimystically-oriented, that is. (I talk about discovering your own personal orientation to life in this post.)

An opportunity to remind myself (and any other coaches reading this) how grateful I am to work with other people, on their own stuff. My clients. For whom I am continually amazed and feel humbled to share parts of their journey with. My journey too.

She had asked for a good place to start with a resource referral I had given her. Another one of my teachers. Those who have taught me how to take better care of me. So I can be more me with all I am. Moment by moment.

And I watched this video and recommended it to my client, realizing it was just as much for me and my situation as it was for hers. Although the details of each of our story lines are very different. As different as this service man’s issue with post traumatic stress disorder will be from yours.

But you can put your issue where his is and gain something of tremendous value here.

And essentially help yourself dissolve the very energy of your sore spot simply by choosing to be with it. Giving it your devoted & undivided attention.

A choice to act with kindness towards myself, when it would be easier to stay where I was and feel aggravated and disempowered.

The residue of how we see a past incident is strong and alive in us, until we choose to bring it fully into our being. We just need to know how…

Hug My Cancer

How do you write about life-changing moments? Like… where do you start? Those biiiiigg stories. That feel like you have to reach far back in time to the beginning, instead of simply saying, this is what it is.

Stories. Our stories. The ones that happened to us. The ones that are happening now. The ones we wish & hope for which I call dreams… stories literally shape our lives. In every way.

I’ve been learning a lot about personal storytelling. And Love.

My personal story got a re-write Friday, May 4th. I have cancer. And what I know is one of the most amazing stories of my life is unfolding.

One I never thought I might be telling, not from this vantage point anyway. And here I am. Optimystical Mynde… pedallar of dreams & the magic of believing. Ironic? Mysterious? Karmic? It is what it is.

I am discovering, if I’m willing to be bravely present-moment-minded, so much of everything I’ve ever asked for, sought after or wanted

is right here.

In every tear drop. In each embrace. Words spoken and unspoken.

For today, the story about me and cancer goes like this… I’m doing everything I can to make peace with it. To Love myself. And it.

And let in the amazing outpouring of Love others are offering.

I’m certain about only a few things. I gotta share the journey.

That’s who I am.

I will continue to do what I have been doing, but in a new & different way. Because that’s what we do.

It’s how we do change.

If you’re kinda stunned right now, I understand. It is kinda like a Mack truck, huh?

If you keep reading, I’ve got an idea that I think might help us both/all.

Hug My Cancer

So, I am a believer that fairies live in the words we spell, in our language. Linda Goodman tipped me off to this language of lexigramming & I recently purchased a book called It’s All In The Name by Sharita Star who’s riffed off what Linda shared and become quite masterful with it.

I’m just starting out. And when I received this diagnosis, through snotted up tears, standing in the kitchen one night rather recently I said to whoever had ears to hear it, “I know the word GRACE is in the word CANCER somewhere!” (Even though clearly there is no G in the word CANCER, d’oh!)

But if you HUG MY CANCER, there is!

Let’s be creative.

When things get hard, it’s time to up the fun-ante (something I talk about in the first chapter of my ebook Web Presence Essentials). Sometimes, when it gets really hard and I can’t imagine what fun would look like or feel like, I think about pre-school children.

My daughter went to a pre-school called ‘Discovery Depot.’ I remember doing a lot of peeking when she was this age. In another’s care. I wanted to see her state-of-mind, her state-of-being. And get the indications “all is well in her world.”

When I close my eyes and peek in on this memory, I see children sitting in a circle, playing, interacting together, filling in the gaps of a real-time reality with imaginings & make-believe.

Be a child with me today or sometime this week. 

  • Draw, paint, write, digital photography, video… just hug my cancer. 
  • Pick up your favorite teddy bear, or your real four-legged furry friend, hug them and share the photo on Instagram or text it to me privately at 714-328-3828. And we’ll hug my cancer, together.
  • Mailvu.com is super fun and easy way to record a video and email it anywhere. My email address is mynde (@) myndemayfield (dot) com.

Why would I hug my cancer or want you to? Why not? Love is miraculous. And I’m willing to receive.

Hug my cancer? Won’t you? (Really! I’m certain about this.)

Oh, and what in your life might really begin to shift & change if you decided to love and accept it, instead of fight and conquer it?

Try kindness. Try courage. Try honesty. Try hugs & smiling. Or looking up at the sky. Try not to stop the tears when they want to come. Try. Experiment. Do something different. ♥ ~mm:)

Identifying Your Default Position

Ever since I started coaching on the subject of fear, I’ve been challenged to succinctly identify the reasons behind why someone chooses to explore fear.

I’ve told my own story, to help illustrate how I came to want to master fear in my life. And I’ve done the reflection of asking myself and my clients (the brave souls who did find resonation with what I’ve said about fear thus far).

The biggest common denominator with many of them (myself included) was that before I found a pathway through the proverbial fear wilderness, I had a suspicion that fear was behind a lot of the stuff I did, that I didn’t want to do anymore.

So I put my stake down into that ground and have flown a flag there ever since.

I even said it out loud, to the lastest brave soul who has decided to take this journey with me. I confirmed with her that deciding the right angle or words to use when talking with people about why they would want to work with me on their fear continues to challenge me. Even she brought forward that, after she experienced working together in some other areas (getting her tech-savvy on), she had come to realize a connection to fear in her own life and that it was somehow holding her back where she wanted to move forward.

I think since we had a pre-existing relationship, it was easy for me to be vulnerably honest and say it right out loud to her, “I do not know how to say this… at all. I will confirm for you though that, most have a precognition that fear is at the bottom, somewhere, and they are ready to begin taking a closer look at this.”

It’s funny, that saying that goes “Be careful what you ask for.” Although, I would underemphasize the “be careful” part for my point here, I think that since I’ve been asking for clarity, it has started to come.

And here it is.

One reason you might be thinking about looking more closely at fear is because you want to change your default position. Let me explain what I mean by default position.

What It Is

So we grow up, right? We have parents and life experiences that condition us. We have a world, reflecting back to us. In the reflection, we can find and see whatever it is we might be looking for. Because to put it simply, what we focus on, expands (more on this later).

So your default position is comprised of many of these influences. And then as adults, we now have an automatic way of showing up in the world that draws from our life experiences and conditioning, beliefs, etc.

What is your automatic way of showing up? If you begin to ask yourself this question, the answer you arrive at will point at your default position. They are essentially one in the same.

Now, if you are thinking about this question for the first time and are like, (snap snap snap)… my default position is __________________, please consider giving yourself some time to really contemplate the question. Otherwise, your default position is likely calling the shots and I’ll put money down that you are not getting at an authentic answer.

I say this because in my experience of talking to people about fear, what it is and how it shows up… many people reply almost instantly (without even thinking) “I’m not afraid. Fear? Oh that’s nice. I don’t need you because the problems you help people solve do not ail me.” And my thoughts are, “That was the answer from their default position.” A position that usually is about covering up the feeling that you might not be enough, just the way you are.

Smart enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, rich enough. You get it. What’s your enough? It’s another really great question to ponder as it can reveal to you more about your automatic way of showing up.

The other bit of clarity I’m coming across is the idea of filters. Just at arms length away from your default position, are the filters that you process information through. When your boss says something to you, it passes through a filter. When you say something to someone, it passes through a filter.

Again, one of the reasons you would want to look at working with me is that you see value in looking at and shifting those filters. Remember, that what you focus on, expands. It’s natural.

Here’s how it works: right now, in this moment, I want you NOT to think about a large purple elephant. Whatever you do, do not think about a large purple elephant. Got it?

See if you can not think about a purple elephant for the next 10 seconds.

Alright, chances are you are chuckling a bit because you are brave enough to admit there is no way you cannot NOT think about a purple elephant. Your attention was brought to it and by simply saying “don’t think about it” you cannot, not think about it.

Life works much the same way. Your mind will offer its thoughts and opinions about what your default position might be in an instant. What is more important is to reflect on what it might be more deeply. And you want to do this because you understand there is a difference between the constant babble of self-talk versus a deeper introspective type of thought. You do this because, if it’s true that what we focus on expands, knowing what your default position is and your filters become exceedingly important to living the life you want versus just going through the motions.

And so here it is. You will want to take this journey into looking more closely at your fear because you want to change your default position. You will want to take this journey into looking at your fear more closely because you want to change your filters. Because you recognize that if your filters primarily process information like this, “I’ve got to watch out. Someone may think I’m doing this wrong. I might get yelled at. I might get reprimanded, or ridiculed. Others might think I’m stupid or incompetent which I must avoid having them think at all costs…” That is fear my friend. That is what fear sounds like.

And now just take a moment and ask yourself how you want your life to be… and if those filters are helping you get there?

Here’s a tip: getting there doesn’t have to be full of a ton of action effort. OK Hercules? You can set down the earth now.

Seriously.

Getting there starts with simple, easy, baby steps… like checking out your filters and seeing if you are willing to tell yourself what your default position is… is it based in fear?

Where we’re going is the opposite of fear. At least, where I’m going is. And those brave souls who desire for something different in our world. They are going there too. And the place to start is with the person in the mirror and understanding what your default position is and what filters are in place holding it there.

Default positions. Filters. Fear.

Making Peace With Uncomfortable

I’ve been thinking about writing this post for a while. For a long while actually. But holding back for various reasons, a multitude of them. I seem to have an endless supply of reasons “not to” as well as a very bad habit of holding back which I’m working on.

I’ve been really wanting to talk about some very personal stuff. To tell “my part” of a certain story. And since I’m a coach and all that, the first thing I like to do is check my intention. Why do I want to tell the story? Is it really for me or do I secretly have some other agenda… like to make someone pay or eat shit (which is totally not my style) or for some other low-lying fear-based reason.

And then I get an email from a client. About her web stuff. She’s extremely uncomfortable. She really wants to do it (use the web to promote the cool thing she does), but is terrified at the same time. I say, “Hmmm” to myself. But only after totally being blown away by her courage and her willingness and her vulnerability to admit it not only herself, but also to me. She’s uncomfortable.

And I start to remember all the other times in my life I’ve been uncomfortable. And if it was a willing price to pay to get to the other side. And what is really worth being uncomfortable. Are my dreams worth it? Is doing what I love worth it? Is loving who I love worth it? Is being who I am worth it?

All worth it, I realize.

Growing yourself or a business, learning how to be a better you… all uncomfortable. Mostly because there’s a lot of groping and tears and frustration. Flailing in the darkness of not knowing and not knowing how to know. Just. Not. Knowing.

It’s time that we admitted the truth about knowing. It’s highly overrated.

And if you want any of it: your dreams, an online business, to love who you love, to be who you are, you’ve got to get more comfortable with uncomfortable. There is just no way around it.

So I’ve decided I will probably tell my part of the story. Just not in this post. It’s still percolating or rather, I’m still percolating in uncomfortable. At least for a little while longer. And since I know there is no other way around it, there is only through it… I figure the best thing I can do is take really good care of myself while I’m here, hanging out with uncomfortable.

I’m learning how to make peace with uncomfortable. To offer it the best of what I’ve got.

I’m willing to hang out in uncomfortable as long as it takes. I’m realizing that being willing to be uncomfortable and hang out there and make peace with it is risky business.

Just like writing and telling my part of the story. Just like getting up everyday and coming to my Inbox. Just like putting together your thing and getting it online and out there. The journey to out there is uncomfortable. It’s uncomfortable on the way, it’s uncomfortable just before I get there, and uncomfortable when I finally reach my destination. All of it, uncomfortable.

So why not make peace with it now? And learn how to take care of myself better now. What sweeter revenge could their possibly be (if I was a revenge-seeking kinda gal) than to learn how to notice uncomfortable and greet it with an open door. Come on in. Sit down. Stay awhile. Let’s get to know each other.

Uncomfortable. It isn’t really all that horrible now is it?