Beautiful Friday

September 4, 2009

It’s a beautiful Friday morning which means another week has passsed and I realize I haven’t written anything (for my blog) and that I actually miss what writing brings to me.

I keep thinking I’d like to adopt some ritual, like Havi’s Friday Chicken, to help me mold and shape and anchor a new pattern of writing regularly deeply into my life. Because I know writing is good for me.

Many things seem to bump up against it loudly. “Me! Here… over here. Pay attention to this!”

Like, “Will the cops be showing up at my door telling my I’m violating the current custody order since I told my first ex-husband (yes I have two) that I don’t feel it’s safe for our daughter at his home, with his soon-to-be second ex-wife.” I get the honor of being the first ex-wife, but I just said that… in another round-about way.

Like, “What are the next steps of dissolving a business partnership or should I just continue to give it more time and see what becomes of it?” Magically hoping something will change when it’s only me I’m waiting on.

Like, “Will there be enough notary signings next month to hold me over again… so I can keep doing this thang called working for myself?” I love it so much. I find that with each opportunity I’m given to do it again (talk with someone about their fear or help them get their tech-savvy on), I really love it. I mean I think I love the fear stuff more and it’s hard to say because I do have a rocking good time on the tech stuff.” Which leads me to…

Like, “What will I do about the new tech client who started yesterday, whose video did not get recorded because I took the chance to try some new lower costing technology that failed miserably in the recording part?”

But What If…

I hear the birds. Everything is so still this morning. So perfect. And I wonder… if it all isn’t really perfect, just the way it is?

This week, that seems to be the theme. Realizing that, in everything, there is a perfection, even if I judge it otherwise. It’s just about me surrendering my idea of what perfection looks like and settling into what is, with deep trust and gratitude.

This week, I had the opportunity to be in that place where our fear takes us. Mostly private conversations all wrapped up in my head. Me, myself and I. In the background, picking at me, saying, “I should be working on installing this tech client’s WordPress migration.” And I kept putting it off. All weekend long I put it off, and in the background of my mind the conversation persisted around why I hadn’t done it… yet. Then on Tuesday, the client contacted me and said she was inspired to poke around with some new domain names, ended up purchasing them and wanted to install her WordPress Thesis blog to one of the new domain names.

Ahhhhhhh, perfection.

I had waited for a reason. And the real thing that was revealed to me was “look at how I treat myself. When I’m alone with me.”

So today, I’m acknowledging myself. I’m purposely looking into my life for things I’m doing well or right (according my own heart & integrity) and giving thanks for the ‘Me’ whose doing that.

I acknowledge myself for asking for what I want, establishing a new boundary and standing firm for my daughter’s safety and really more than just safety, for her ability to thrive and expand in conditions that support that.

I acknowledge myself for getting into “alignment” with what felt good before asking my business partner if she would like to do another workshop. And I acknowledge myself for practicing patience and trust with me about the situation. I’m practicing how to trust me to be alone with me and doing better with that.

I acknowledge myself for bringing my focus and attention back to today when I notice I’m out too far into September. I acknowledge myself for remembering to grab a tool and clean up my ‘worry’ with Ho’oponopono. “Thank you, I love, I’m sorry, please forgive me.”

I acknowledge myself for my willingness to be inspired and to let my challenges bring me that inspiration. What an awesome twist on challenges. Talk about light-sabers. Yes to inspiration. Yes to challenges. Yes to technology that doesn’t deliver fully. Yes to the ideas that rush in and fill the gap called solution.

And finally, I acknowledge myself for writing this blog post. For being willing to be more vulnerable than the last time I wrote. For anchoring into the awareness that I miss it. For realizing in the anchoring that I can shift it from “I have to write” to “I choose to write!”

The power of self acknowledgment shifts perspective on situations radically. Radically away from self-loathing and into self-loving. If you feel ready to shift any part of loathing/lack/fear into Love, I’d love to chat with you.

This is what it looks like.

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“If you need help finding yourself, talk to @myndemayfield. She seriously rocked my existential world this evening in a good, needed way.”~ Charlie Gilkey, ProductiveFlourishing.com (astrology)