About

Optimystical – a blend of optimism and me, a modern day mystic.

My blog is about sharing my own journey and process for making the most out of my life. I’m not an expert at anything… except learning how to be more myself.

A Bit Of History

In 1997, I was 28 years old and struggling in a marriage that no longer fit. I kept looking for ways to fix an unfixable situation. And when I couldn’t fix the situation, I became the object of my need to fix, thinking things like, “Maybe it’s me that’s damaged.”

It was easy to fall into thinking it was my fault. It went back to an old wound. Abandonment. When I was 15 my mother left. And I think a part of me began believing I didn’t have much worth or value.

I became a seeker then I think. Trying to fill in the gaping hole. Trying to heal and find wholeness. I was willing to look under every stone and read every book. If it meant I might find what I was looking for. Except I wasn’t exactly sure what it was I was looking for.

I found astrology at this time. Looking for ways to understand myself. And I found myself in metaphysical bookstores exploring books about Angels, Tarot Cards, Healing and other philosophies.

I watched Marianne Williamson pray with Oprah on TV. But it was a different kind of prayer. It wasn’t full of religion. It was about seeing another’s innocence in the situation and about making a conscious choice to surrender what couldn’t be changed about the past and begin looking forward. I watched the guests on the show transform right before my eyes. It was… miraculous.

All fear is past. And only Love is here.

I went and found every book Marianne Williamson had ever published. I discovered A Return To Love which led me to A Course In Miracles.

And it was here that I first took in this idea that being with less fear meant being with more Love. I started asking for and seeing more of the contrast between fear and Love. And I wished to myself that I could figure out a way to help myself with my fear. It was such an enormous topic. With so many tentacles running through and around it. The more I looked at it, the more overwhelming it became.

But I knew deep down inside, that I wanted to find out who I would become if I faced my deepest fears.

In 2003, I heard Rhonda Britten talking on the radio about fear. With just about every single thing she said, my attention and focus was drawn in and I hit the book store once again, this time in search of Fearless Living.

And by the beginning of 2007, I was a Certified Fearless Living Life Coach. I used the tools & skills I gained to become an entrepreneur, wanting to help others be fearless too. Mostly because it would help me stay the course of being fearless in my own life. But also because I feel so absolutely lit up when I’m helping others live fearlessly.

Today, I’m living life on my own terms. I discovered the thing I was looking for was inside me. I found out I wasn’t damaged or unworthy. I’ve discovered how to live more open-hearted. I’ve found grace… in the form of self-acceptance. I source as much as I can with and through Love, and many times feel an everflowing source of generosity, kindness and compassion that was just not present before I realized my fear is simply a doorway to my own greatness.

And, I get to coach with some of the bravest people on earth. Other seekers, like me. People who believe what I believe. That Love changes everything.

A Few More Incidentals

I have an almost 17 year old daughter whom I refer to as the honeybee. She’s on her High School Water Polo & Swim teams. She is bright and beautiful and one of my greatest accomplishments.
I’ve been with my girlfriend, Andrea, for almost five years. She’s a world traveler and I’ve been to more places in my five years with her, than I have in my entire life.
I’m a Taurus, with Venus rising in Aries and a Leo Moon.
I really enjoy playing Texas Hold’em poker. It’s fun way to mix chance, skill & strategy.
I grew up bouncing between Southern California and Southern Oregon. In 5th grade, I lived on Greensprings Mountain and went to school with 13 other kids who lived on the mountain at the time. The path to school often intersected with the Oregon Trail. I would run along the scarred earth, between the two wagon wheels thinking about what it must have been like to live in a covered wagon. I climbed 80 foot pine trees and communed with nature on a daily basis.
We have three cats. I wear them mostly. And one of them is really good about reminding me to take regular breaks. She’ll jump up onto my desk and lay between me and my laptop. I can’t resist and give in and then thank her for reminding me to do something that feels good for me; like petting her, listening to her purr and watching her look at me with squinty eyes.
I’ve been married and divorced twice. I probably will not marry again. I’m not sure I believe in it anymore. Me and my girl practice ODAT. One day at a time.
My biggest weakness is expecting too much of myself. I do it mostly by comparing where I am with other people. And I sometimes stay in it, way after it’s dead and needs to be buried. So I’m learning to support myself with letting go sooner. Oh, and not making it about me.
Music saves me. Every time. And I secretly wish I could sing.